Jan 11
Get Into My (Dannah’s) Next Book!
Today, I got the final cover for my next book. Pretty stoked about it. I really love the title. (Thank you for helping me with that.) And the cover. (Nicely done, Harvest House!)
I could use a little help as I pray my way to the March 5th deadline for this book. I’ve got fantastic research and stories of raising my own girls in the book, but it’s missing something. You. I want the thoughts of real moms, struggling with the same thing that I did when my girls were tweens. So, could you take a moment and answer one of these questions in the blog comment? I’m going to include these tips in sidebars, so include your name and the city you are from to be included in the book.Todays topic:The Great Change of Life! (I couldn’t very well start with something easy, could I?)1.) What did you do to make talking to your daughter about her period easier?2.) What do you wish your mom had told you about boys, sex, your period when you were younger?3.) At what age did your daughter get her first period?
61 Comments so far
Give us your thoughts
Looks like I’m first.
My daughter is 11 and hasn’t gotten her period yet, so I’m not all that sure if what I’ve taught her is going to make things easier.
One thing I have done is just be open with her. If she comes across my feminine products, I explain what it is & what its used for.
My mom explained birds & bees when I was 4. Honestly, I don’t remember it and I don’t remember much else. I wish she would have been more talkative about the subject. I honestly don’t remember being spoken to about sex, boys or my period - other than from my friends.
As my daughter was growing up, I was open about my period with her. Anytime she saw products and asked about them, I explained their use. If she saw blood, I would explain that I wasn’t hurt, but my body was getting the place ready to have a baby in case we needed it. As she got older, the explanations got a little more in depth. Talking to her about her period was easy, it’s the birds and bees I’m worried about! My daughter is 9 and does not have her period yet.
Stephanie in Quakertown, PA
As I think back to my years of dating in high school and college I can see where I failed and where I followed the world’s views on dating. Date…break-up…next…date…break-up…next…and so on. It seems that each one took a little piece of my heart and how my hurts and mistakes followed me through adulthood. I wish someone had explained to me how this disposable view of relationships is wrong and saddens God. I wish I had heard why God desires us to live a pure lifestyle besides always hearing it was wrong. I needed to know why it was wrong. Joy - Cleveland, Ohio
Hi Dannah,
My daughter is 13. She got her period when she was 12. I have always just been open about things with her. Whenever she had a question I would answer it bluntly with as much information as I thought her age could handle at that time. It was just an ongoing open ended conversation. By the time she got her period, she knew exactly what to expect and what was happening to her.
My parents told me nothing. They came from a generation where these things were not discussed. So, when I got my period, I was shell shocked and clueless. My mother handed me a book and a package of pads and sent me on my way. And as for dating, or sex or boys…gracious…we certainly didn’t speak of those things either. And because of that, I unfortunately got my information…or MISinformation…from friends…or sadder still, from exploring on my own.
I FIRMLY believe that open communication with our girls is a MUST. Having them understand that there is nothing they can ask or say that will shock you, or make you mad or ashamed of them. Being honest with them, and explaining to them the ‘WHY’s’ of everything as well, because its not enough to just tell them ‘This is your period’ or ‘Don’t have sex until your married.’ Its not always an EASY conversation….but its definitely so necessary in the culture we live in today.
When my daughter was 11 years old, I bought her a pretty basket and stuffed it full of ‘girl things’. It was a fun way to approach the subject of her period, along with emotional and physical changes that were coming! The basket had training bras, pads, ibuprofen, some new books, CHOCOLATE, and a hand-written note telling her how precious she is to me and how excited I am to watch her grow into the woman God made her to be. Most of all, I wanted her to know that God made her body this way and it is wonderful!
My daughter turned 14 last month and just started her period this week.
Linda ~ Indianapolis, IN
My mother was the timid sort and decided that the public school’s information was probably sufficient. She never talked with me about the changes my body was going through, but more importantly she didn’t give me the go-ahead to talk to her. I knew I wanted my relationship with my two girls to be more open and casual, hoping that questions and information would flow both directions as they went through puberty. I started young making them conscious of the differences God designed for girls and the purpose that even those body parts had. I tried to remain matter-of-fact and direct when some uncomfortable questions arose occasionally, often out of thin air, but am thrilled that our relationship has evolved to the point I am confident future, deeper questions are headed MY way so that I can give them God’s answers and His plan for more consequential matters like sex! My mother is particularly grateful for the changes I’ve made because just like she did for me, she wants the best for them.
My daughter had just turned 13, but I think the key was to treat it as a normal part of life all along. As moms, we rarely get a moment alone, even in the ladies’ room. As she asked questions, even from a younger age, I was always honest and gentle with answers. Saying things like, “it’s something that will happen each month when you’re a little older,” “it’s a way of your body getting ready to be a mommy one day.” Those were enough of an answer when she was 7 or 8. As she reached 9 and 10, she was already around classmates experiencing changes, so I reviewed the material the school provided before she saw it, talked about it with her when she had questions and gave her a neat little book I found that talked about everything from that subject to body odor. Realizing it is just one part of many changes, and letting her know she could ask me anything, were the keys to her adjusting immediately. In fact, once she did start, she simply came in and whispered in my ear with a frustrated face and said, “Well, I started.” No panic, no tears, just another babystep on the way to adulthood.
I talked with my daughter about her period as early as 4th grade because some of her classmates and friends were getting their periods. Getting your period early seemed to have turned into a status symbol — the haves and the have-nots. My daughter was waiting and wondering when she would officially become a young woman. I shared with my daughter that I didn’t get my first period until the month before my 14th birthday, and that she could look to that time. Sure enough, my daughter got her first period the month before her 14th birthday! Although He doesn’t have to, I think God does this to create yet another special bond between mothers and daughters.
Bear, DE
I started talking to my daughter about her period when she was in fourth grade (shortly before the “very special video” presentation at school). I bought her a copy of “The Care and Keeping of You”, which covers many other useful subjects pertinent to growing up - not just getting your period. She nearly 14 and got her period this fall, so she was prepared WAY in advance. I tried to handle the subject the same way my mom did with me - matter of fact and without embarrassment.
Talking to my girls about their periods definitely got easier with each child. After the first two, it was a breeze. They all started at 11 or 12, which is typical. I talked to them like most mothers, in stages. When they asked questions, I was open and honest and told them what they needed to know for their age. I think they were actually looking forward to it when it came. It is something God has blessed us with instead of punishing us with so that we may have our beautiful children. My mother told me way more than what I wanted to know about sex when I was a child. I, too had “disposable” relationships growing up and am trying to instill in my daughters that relationships with the opposite sex will mean so much more if they wait until they are older and can understand what God meant them for. Starting to “go out” with boys like most girls do at about the age of 12 or so dilutes your feelings toward boys and yourself. Your self esteem goes way down if you start too early and you tend to get too physical too young if you start going out too early. I tell them to wait for the man God intended for them before their first boyfriend because dating should be about courtship, not the flavor of the week.
My mom is not the type to be “in touch” explaining the changes my body would go through as a teen, so when i started my period i freaked one morning when i woke up with blood stains on my sheets. it was summer time I was all alone. I called my mom at work and told her what happened,she then simply gave me directions on how to “deal with it.” This is the best part…she told me to go in her bathroom and under her sink there’s a belt and a pad, and to change it when needed. OMG can you ever imagine telling your teen daughter to wear something so medieval feeling like your wearing a bed mattress between your legs? What the heck! After a few months of embarrasing torture I realized I had other options to help me “deal” with my period, and made a way more comfy and discreet change.
Now for me and my four girls, there is nothing sacred in our home, when they wanna chat they follow me everywhere even to the bathroom, which has given them at very young ages the opportunity to have dicsussions about their body and when to begin preparation for this exciting change that takes them from girlhood to womenhood.
When I look back to when I was growing up, I just wish my mom would have just simply told me ANYTHING. Unfortunately I heard all the birds and the bees stories from friends & just experiencing it on my own. I want to start early with my 2 daughters(in fact my 9 year old and I just started SKG girl dates & I can’t wait to start chatting about these issues with her). I had to learn the hard way & my heart was broken in so many ways because of this. I want my girls to feel comfortable talking with me, so I don’t shy away from their questions. My 6 year old just asked me recently, ‘Mom, how do you make a baby? I heard it was REALLY gross.” After laughing inside to the sweet innocence I looked her deep into her eyes and told her just a glimpse of what happens.I didnt go into detail just yet, she’s only 6, but I told her that it is something very beautiful and we’ll talk more about it later when she gets a bit older. She was content with that. She now knows that I am open to the conversation yet the timing is not quite right. I am actually looking forward to a time when we can finish that conversation. I think all too often we fear the dreaded questions…but why? These things are such beautiful gifts from God, we should be excited about sharing them with our daughters.
We hugged with tears of joy the day my daughter started her period. She was eleven, very prepared for it and we talked about how wonderful it was that God gave her a body that with his blessing (and a husband), could actually give birth! That made her smile as she loves children and she knows that God has an awesome plan for her life, whatever it may be. Edna - Carson City
I am 47 years old and my daughter is now 22. When I was growing up,although my Mom and I had a good relationship she didn’t tell me anything about my period or dating. I had to figure it all out on my own by talking to my friends. I wish my Mom had had the courage to talk to me. I think communication is the key. To this day I am not very good with communicating my feelings because I was raised in a home where you just didn’t talk about “those things”. With my own daughter however, I did want to make sure that she could talk to me about anything and made that clear when she was very young. I believe she was around 13 when she first got her period. Talking about private things can be hard, but I believe as long as you let your daughter know you are there for her you can talk about anything. After all she is your daughter! As Godly Mothers, our daughters should not be afraid to seek counsel from us. I thank God for the open relationship that I enjoy with my daughter.
The above comment is from Brenda in Reading,Pennsylvania.
I forgot to add my name and address before I clicked submit.
I believe strongly that parents committed to teaching their children about life as they grow up will be more successful than those who wait until the “issues” arise. My daughter knew what to expect (well, as much as it is possible to do so) when her period arrived, and when it started she came to me and asked if it was as she suspected.
My periods were severe, and I ended up having to have a hysterectomy because of the hemorrhaging and pain. I suppose I couldn’t have kept that from her if I had tried.
I am very very proud of her despite my fears that accompany her maturation. I pray that she remains as open as she now is about talking about intimate concerns with me, and that her respect for my “wisdom” carries her through any times of doubt. More than anything, she will need the Lord to guide her and for that reason I am ever grateful that His wisdom and accessibility far supersedes mine in all respects!!
I have always been open with my daughter about everything I felt was age appropriate. I started my period when I was 9 and I wanted my daughter to know before she turned 9 incase she was an early bloomer also. I sat down with her and told her what to expect and not to be afraid because it was natural. I also bought her “The Care & Keeping of You” book by American Girl. I have always been open with my daughter and don’t want her to find out through friends but from me as I will teach her Christ’s way and that is important.
My daughter started her period the week of her 10th birthday which was just a few months ago. I was more upset than she was. I’ve been very open with her and let her know that she could come to me with any questions. We talked about it and she was very honest with me about her questions and she was comfortable. She has never seen the videos they show in the school or anything.
We had a ‘girls day’ to celebrate! (Also because this coincided with her birthday.) She got her hair and nails done. I bought her the products she needed and we discussed how to use them and to let me know how they worked for her. I also talked about emotions and possible symptoms like headache and backache. I just wanted her to know that it’s all normal. I then bought her a cute little purse to carry her products in when she was at school or away from home. We also picked up an American Girl book about body changes that answers questions and has a spot where she can track her period.
I’m so proud of my daughter and how she’s approached this change and is still so young. I also started my period at 10 and I remember being very afraid. I didn’t want anyone to know, including my mom. I had seen the video in school and I wasn’t prepared. I felt so abnormal. I just didn’t want her to have the same experience. I wanted her to know that this is a normal part of life and the way God made us.
Autumn Jungbluth - Chandler, AZ
My mom acted very excited when she caught me (her oldest) reading the little pamphlet that my 5th grade teachers had handed out to us girls after the showing of the video about our upcoming ‘changes.’ She had bought a medical textbook that had all these transparencies, and that’s what she used to teach me about my body. The pages lifted up to reveal our insides. I remember being very grossed out, especially when she told me about sex. I looked at her shocked and asked “You’ve done that 4 times?!” (I had 3 siblings.)
I think she got embarrassed, and we didn’t talk a lot about it afterwards, except later when I was about 17, and she took me aside to tell me that if I got pregnant, she wouldn’t throw me out of the house. I didn’t know that God designed sex for marriage or that anything worse than being grounded might happen as long as we were ‘protected.’
I wasn’t told a lot about boys and what happens to their bodies and minds as they approach the teen years. I probably would have behaved differently had I known that I might have been making it harder for them to concentrate and remain pure.
My oldest daughter is 7, and she asked me the other day what my bag of ‘pads’ is for. I gave her a pretty basic explanation, and she seemed fine with it. I had been concerned that she’d be scared or freaked out like I had been. My goal is that I stay one step ahead of her; that I am the one that tells her about her body and about boys and all that, not her teachers.
1. WHEN SHE CAME HOME AND TOLD ME THE NURSE AT SCHOOL SPOKE TO THEM ABOUT IT I DISCUSSED IT FRUTHER..SHE SORTA KEEP WAITING FOR IT AFTER THAT…SO WHEN IT CAME FOR THE FIRST TIME SHE WAS READY AND DID NOT FREAK OUT.
2. LAURA WAS 11 AND AT SUMMER CENTRI-KID CAMP (A CHURCH FUNCTION) AND I WAS AT WORK. I WAS VERY THANKFUL THAT SHE WAS ONLY 45 MINUTES AWAY. I SPENT THE EVENING WITH HER; WE WENT OVER, CHECKING OURSELF, CHANGING, DESPOSTING OF, DEORATENTS AND CLEANLENESS. IT HAS BEEN SIX MONTHS AND IS NO BIG DEAL EXCEPT WHEN SHE CAN’T SWIM BECAUSE SHE HAS A PAID ON.
I am the proud mom of 3 darling girls: 14, 13 and 8. None of them have started their period yet. I’ve talked to the older two in detail, without embarrassment or disgust. They are both (im)patiently waiting! In fact, they are both really looking forward to getting their period because we’ve talked about it being a sign of their body maturing. I’ve tried to answer my little one’s questions directly when she asks.
We continue to talk about modesty and purity on a regular basis. They even remind each other now to “keep it covered”. My littlest is always giving us the “raise and praise” test! Camis are an essential in our home. I think we have one in every color imaginable.
My mom never told me anything about getting my period, about boys or sex! I grew up pretty much afraid of all of those things. They were just labeled as “bad”. I always wanted more for my girls so I vowed, before I even had kids, that I would talk to them openly and from a Christian perspective. Sex (in the context of marriage)is good…after all God did create it, right? I’ve never ever understood why people, especially Christians, are so afraid to talk about it. The harsh reality is, if we don’t talk to our kids about this stuff, someone else will…and God only knows what they will hear then.
My 14 year-old has her first “boyfirend”. At first, I was not in favor of the idea, but I’ve tried to be open and listen to my kids. And in this case, I’m sure glad that I did. This is not a typical relationship. One of the first conversations they had with each other was to share their testimonies. They talk at school and on the phone occassionally, but they have set up some really healthy boundries. They will not allow their “dating” to interfer with their friendships. They will only sit together at lunch 2 days a week so that they can sit with their friends the other 3. They have not kissed and have decided that they shouldn’t even hold hands yet. They want to get to know each other and don’t want to go fast…even though some of their friends are pushing them to move quicker. I’ve been really proud of the way my daughter has handled herself. She likes this boy, but is not head-over-heels. She’s being realistic. And, this is a great opportunity for her and I to continue to talk about what qualities to look for in a mate. Dare I say it…this kid is the embodiment of everything that I have prayed for in a son-in-law. I’m pretty sure I can’t marry her off at 14, but this is one relationship that I hope lasts well into the future. And did I mention, she told him that she had to ask my permission before she accepted his offer to date? Woo hoo. It’s fun to start to see the fruit of my labor.
I have always had the mind set that if my daughter asked me a question then she was able to handle the answer, the true answer. I try to keep everything as black and white as possible with her and try not to sugar coat anything unnecassarily. My daughter started her period when she was 9 years old. We had previously had many discussions about periods and pads,etc so that she would be prepared when she started hers. She is a daughter of divorced parents so if she started while she was with her dad I wanted her to feel secure with what to do.
She did start while at her dad’s house. I was so discouraged that I couldn’t be with her but in return I was comforted knowing that she knew what to expect and knew what to do. She’s a true blessing each and every day and I thank the Lord for her!
My daughter and I will never forget when she started her period! We were at “The Happiest Place On Earth”; Disneyland.
She was 13 years old at the time.
Depending on her age and what she would ask I would put it in terms that she could understand at the time. However she was about ten when we really discussed her period, what sex was and God’s beautiful design for sex between a married man and woman. To keep her from being embarrased and thinking “oh wow….mom and dad!?” I kept the focus on her and her future husband and how the Lord designed this for them and went the route of “when you are married this is what you and your husband will want and desire to do”.
She had the various questions for both her period and sex. I answered them all honestly. I also came to find out that she had some misperseptions regarding terminology so it was very good to help her understand those things.
She is sixteen now and a junior in High School. We both tend to have our periods within a few days of each other so that is when dad and brother get left at home and we go for a chocolate dessert date!
Connie Hemet, CA
Just as my oldest daughter, Christina, was ready for the “change” we found out I was pregnant so as I faced 9 months of not buying girly products for myself I had to begin buying for her. She experienced a lot of the pregnancy and witnessed the delivery. We used that time to talk about how it would be to be a teenager facing all that. She made a promise on her on to not “date” which puts undue pressure on young people. Her husband will be a very lucky guy as she is not only saving her physical self but her emotional self as well.
My dd got her 1st period when she was 11. I had explained what would happen so she would be prepared. I try to discuss it with her openly and without embarrassment, so she knows what to expect and hopefully she accepts this part of her body without the “shame” and embarrassment I felt growing up.
My parents discussed boys and sex with me VERY LITTLE. My dad was suspicious of all boys and told me that if I let a boy give me a ride to school, he would think I owed him something. My mother told me, when I was 15, that if I started to have sex to make sure I used protection! (I didn’t even have a boyfriend at the time.) I wish my mom had told me a lot more! Like why it’s important to wait, other than just making sure I knew it was wrong not to. How to have a relationship with a boy that is not centered around rushing into physical intimacy. My mom was open with me concerning my period, so that’s good. Also, my parents were not exactly practicing Christians — more like non-practicing Catholics–so they had different values than I do now.
Just realized I did not put my city and State! I am from Altoona, Pennsylvania.
My daughter is 8. I have been reading Gods Design for Sex Series to her. I basically answer all her questions as they come. She is a 2nd grader. I find it easier to read through a book then talk to her freely. In the next few months I plan on bringing up the period issue.
I had a 5th grade foster daughter and did not know who had told her what. So We read through the American Girl Keeping and Caring for You.
My first exposure to period talk was in 5th grade at school. They separated the boys and girls and talked to us. The girls got a package with supplies for our first period. I went home and gave it to my mom. We sat on the couch and she said, “Any questions?” I said, “No” and we did not talk about it again until 7th grade when my period came. I must have told her - but I really don’t remember. We really did not talk about it at home. Most my information came from teen magazines. They were helpful.
My daughter is nine. Her cousin got her period and a friend in the same grade got her period last year. My daughter is so curious and scared. My mom did not talk to me about it at all. I feel like where do I start? I know she needs to be prepared. I am thrilled for your new book. Tonight I will be will mark the end of my girls bible study. I have been going over your book MY BEST FRIEND JESUS. I have twelve 3rd-5th graders in my class that want the study to continue. I think it will be nice to read your book this fall and perhaps do a study with mothers at our church. Thank you for all your wonderful advice. Most of all your LOVE for The LORD.
Diana Pauling
Children’s Assistant Director
Calvary Chapel Camarillo
Orlando, Fl
When my daughter was 10, I sat down with a book from Focus on the Family and told her all the things that she could expect her body to do over the next few years. I thought I could check off the box that she knew all the information now.
For her 11th birthday, I took her to a Secret Keeper event 3 hours from our home. We stayed overnight in a hotel. After the event in our room, she felt comfortable to start talking about the changes her body was going through. I was amazed that she had no recollection of the talk that I had preiously had with her. We went ahead to talk about some changes that she was currently going through and what should could expect next. I realized that they can’t possibly understand everything in one lump talk because it’s completely foreign to them until they actually start going through it.
I spend a few minutes with her in her room each night before putting her to bed and that time has been invaluable for her to ask questions. I guess she must save them up during the day because as soon as I walk in I’m bombarded with something else. I’m glad that she feels comfortable to ask me and I hope that we can always have a great relationship.
She has not yet started her period, but I plan to get a set of supplies to keep in her bathroom in preparation for that.
I don’t remember my mom talking to me about boys or sex. I have an older sister and for years have sworn that she must have told her twice. She is a great mother, so I’m sure that isn’t the case! After having a similar experience with my own daughter, I realize that she probably talked about it with me just once instead of having an ongoing conversation about it.
I grew up in a Christian home but my mom did not speak to me about my period, boys or sex. This seemed to be taboo subjects to talk about.I did not feel like I could speak to my mom about these subjects even though we had a close relationship.I was determined to be open with my daughter and I wanted her to know that she could come and talk to me at any time. I used the Care and Keeping of Your Body to help us both. I started talking to her about “girlie things” when she was eight years old. I would give her just enough information for her at that specific time.
My daughter started her period at the age of ten, two months before her eleventh birthday. The day it came there were no surprises for her. She knew exactly what is was and how to take care of herself during this time.
Thanks, everyone. These are great comments. Keep ‘em rolling!
my daughter hasn’t had her period yet but I would plan to get her a vinnie’s tampon case and period chart to help her. you can check out the site www.tamponcase.com or www.knowyourflow.com
I talked to my daughter about her body changes and sex from early on with age appropriate information as she got older. I started with explaining the ‘Love Game’ that her dad and I played and we talked about the body parts and that it was the game we played to make babies! As she got older I gave her more detail about modesty before she grew breasts or had cleavage because I told her it was practice for when she did.
I actually have a mentoring program I’ve started for girls and in that group of 6 girls we talked about EVERYTHING! I promised the girls that if they asked embarrassing questions I would honor that by giving them even my most embarrassing answers. We talked about how to shop for a bra, how the menstrual cycle works, what sort of feminine hygiene options were available, the husband’s role in sex, etc. The youngest girls in the group got their period at 12 and the oldest got her period at 14. My daughter was one of the 12 year olds.
Even today those girls are open and free to ask questions and have me ask them questions regarding their period and sexuality. For my daughter it has been a constant conversation, we still have those conversations. Just last week we talked about how to figure out when you are ovulating so you know when you might get pregnant. I was not willing to have them know this info earlier, but the topic came up and I think the maturity is there now.
Our daughter has a very healthy view of sexuality and these conversations now include my 9 year old daughter as she is starting her journey.
What my mom told me? Very little. I know she feels like she was open and clear with me, but I think it must have been her nerves that made her feel so vulnerable because I learned nothing. Most of what I learned was from books, friends, or boyfriends.
My daughter just started her period a few weeks before her 12th birthday. It also happened to fall on the weekend of our 15th Wedding Anniversary this past December! My heart was heavy that I wasn’t there until later that day to receive the news from her. She was too shy to tell her Grandma, so was seeking me out alone. I thank God I was tuned in enough to my daughter to know she REALLY needed to talk with me. My mother was not very open about sex or my period when I was young, but surprisingly my father was very comfortable talking about those things so that made it easier for me to feel comfortable asking for pads and such. I wish my Mom would have told me that it was OKAY and RIGHT to wait for marriage to have sex. I also wish she would have warned me about the pressure I would receive from my boyfriends in that area and that I could tell her anytime that I was experiencing that. I believe it might have saved my virginity for my husband if she did. I also wish my mother would have told me (and modeled) how important it is to respect the men in your life by your attitude and body language. I wish she would have warned me how hard it is for young men to have pure thoughts in this culture and how I could have made it easier in how I dressed and acted to help them. I wish she would have reminded me that there was ONE man out there for me that was hoping I would save myself for him. One man that God had chosen for me to share my body. With that being said, I’m thankful for second chances from my Savior and newness of life in Him. He can redeem those things I “wished” my mom had told me. As far as my daughters (I have another daughter who is 9) - I’ve been very open about my period and what they should expect when it’s their turn. I explained to them (around age
WHY a women has her period. When my oldest started last month I took her to the store and explained all the different products available and then we selected what we thought was best. We bought a special calendar so she could keep track of her cycle, when it gets regular and we talked about proper hygiene during her cycle. I also discussed PMS - hormones in general and told her that although she will possible be very emotional, that she shouldn’t use that as an excuse to hurt others (I learned that from my husband:) I also asked my husband to talk with her about it so she would know what a special time it was in her life. We plan on taking her out soon to a fancy dinner to celebrate the young lady she is growing in to.
The main thing I wished my mom would have done for me was to be more open. Sex and periods were not an open topic. It was discussed a few times and that was it. I think it has to something with their generation.
I was determined that would not be the case with my daughter. I started talking to her about it at the end of 4th grade. As her body was changing and she was noticing different things/changes, I primarily based it on how awesome our God is and how he creates a little girl’s body to go through some changes so some day she could be a mommy. We have been very open about periods and sex.
My husband and I have presented the ’sex talk’ as a ‘wedding gift’ from God especially designed for only her and her husband to share. She got her period one hour before she was suppose to be on the basketball court for a tournament game. She was 12 years old, a 6th grader. I was very calm and excited about it and she handled wonderfully, even played a great game!
AFTER we have a good understanding of the logistics and functions of changes/ period, I plan on creating some keywords, so they can communicate things to me discretely, and whenever needed. I did this with my friends (ie - “my Aunt Flo is on a visit this week” or “my red pen leaked”). Using euphemisms made me feel like I was on the “in” with them (and other women) instead of feeling outcast or awkward. Since I was 10 and a competitive swimmer when I started my period, the whole thing was simultaneously upsetting and exciting.
Strange as it was, when I finally got up the guts to tell my dad (my parents were already divorced by then), he bought me a rose and took me out to a nice dinner. He was very tasteful about it, like “welcome to womanhood, you’re going to be a great one” said I could ask him anything and totally played it cool from there on the whole subject. Well done on that one Dad.
Though there are several things I intend to do differently from my parents (and I’ve even taken some notes from the suggestions above!), I really do appreciate that my Mom asked an older girl on my swim team to talk me through a lot of it. For my situation, it was a good thing to have a few different sources to pull from, including the older girl, a friend’s mom, sisters, my step-mom and of course a bit from my own mom too.
My mom really never sat down with me and told me about my period. I learned about it from Teen Magazine and my friends who had already started their periods. (My mom was not a Christian until I was a teen–and she was also a single mom of 3 kids in 1972.) So, I have really been quite open about things with my daughters who are 12 and 14. I started answering their questions when they noticed the feminine napkins that I had in the bathroom–this started when they were about 6 years old. So I explained to them in basic terms–and really this hasn’t been an issue around here.
When I was about 6 years old, I remember sneaking into my mother’s bathroom and taking one of her tampons and running back into my room with a flashlight so I could get into the closet and look at it. I remember wondering what it was and what she did with it. This is what made me want to be up front and honest with my daughters about subjects such as this.
My daughter started her period at age 11…we had been expecting it for more than a year as she cramped etc. many times. It did not get regular for about a year and actually has come on with a vengence this fourteenth year.
We started talking early about it…..so she would not be surprised. Used several bookss but mostly just talked regularly. I was always just up front and matter of fact about the body changes …..it was no surprise to her and in fact we celebrated it. Her Daddy sent her flowers and each of her Grandma’s sent a nice note at my prompting. I did not want her to think it was a “curse” but an entry into becoming a young woman- something to be celebrated!
I wish my Mom had talked more about alot of things ….boys, abstinence, purity (did that term even exist?) . My daughter is committed to this and all because we talk about it.
Blessings to you for your ministry.
If I could give one piece of advice, it would be to be available. I still remember the empty feeling I had when I started my period. I was 11 years old. It had been a long day and my mom was tired. I called to her from upstairs that I “needed” her. She just yelled back, “What do you want?” Since I was the middle child of 5 kids, I didn’t want to announce it everyone. When she wasn’t willing to come and “meet” me, I decided to shut her out. I never told her. Eventually, she found out 2 months later. Her feelings were hurt…but so were mine.
For me, talking to my 9 year old daughter about her period came out of the blue. We were in a public restroom and she was waiting for me by the sink. Next to the sink was a tampon dispenser. From my stall I hear, “Mom, what is a TAMPOON?” I giggled and said, I think you mean tampon and I will tell you as we leave the restroom. God set up a very non threatening, non embarrassing way for me to introduce something that naturally happens to every young lady and woman. I spoke to her about it as casually as I taught her about brushing her teeth properly or tying her shoes. I want her to see me as the person to whom she can ask anything without embarrassment! Now…let’s just hope for another easy God moment when I explain to her how her period plays a role in reproduction!
For question number two…even though I grew up with very loving, Christian parents, I was never given the “birds and the bees” talk, or any talk about my period. I learned most of what I knew through my school, other kids, or curiosity through books. My parents are amazing, but this is one area I am determined to be quite different in with my three children.
I decided to talk with our daughter when she was 10. I waited because I wanted to make sure she understood the discussions we had. We had the “cycle” talk one evening and about 3 to 4 weeks later had the “boy” talk. I wanted them to be special but serious and fun! So, when we had the “cycle” talk, I used… sorry, the Robin Jones Gunn book “Gentle Passages”. I haven’t read anything from here yet. Anyway, it’s a great book for this! If you are familiar with the book, I did the one with the China Plate. It was special. I explained to her that this is a wonderful time for her that God has set aside,not for torment, but for the beauty of having a baby. I went through the changes her body would make through the transition. It was a great evening, just her and I, tea sandwiches, creme brulee and CHOCOLATE! I gave her a bag with a few things she would need when she starts. She wasn’t suprised, we had discussed some of it before because of mine. She received all of this very well. We laughed ALOT! And this comes from a girl who does not like any kind of change in her life! I continue to talk to her all of the time about these things and boys. Keeping the line of communication always open.She is 11 1/2 almost and still has not started her “cycle”. I’m good with that! lol!
Kim Robles, Clovis, California
Gober, Texas
As almost everyone else has stated, my mom was not willing to talk with me about personal issues either, I think it was more fear than unwillingness. As most women, she had skeletons in her own closet and she was in bondage from her own past. My father was very moral and strict, not a Christian, but always expected and taught us to do the right thing. As I reached my teen years my mother became fearful that I would rebel and our relationship would be lost, driven by this fear she would no longer let my father be the main influence over me. This of course led to my having sex with my husband before marriage, as a result, I was pregnant when I got married at the age of 19.
After 18 years of marriage our oldest daughter is about to turn 18, her younger sister is 15, and her little brother is 14. I have always been open with them about my past, they have always known that I was pregnant when I got married, as they matured their understanding of this reality took on new meanings. I filled in the details, as they were able to process it.
The most important thing is that they all understand that Mom will not lie to them about anything. Our relationship has been based on total TRUTH, which has only led to total TRUST, no matter what they see or hear, they know that Mom will not lie or sugar coat the truth.
As I talked with my girls about their coming periods, they had no reason to doubt or be fearful, they new that I was telling them everything they needed to be prepared for that special day and the rest of their lives. As they each got their first periods they told me and couldn’t wait for Daddy to get home and share their news with him. For the first six months or so they would tell their daddy each time as soon as he got home from work.
As for boys and relationships, I have always been able to since when my girls are struggling with their feelings about a certain young man. We openly discuss their feelings and then we evaluate the young man and his family to determine whether or not they want to spend the rest of their lives with, not only him, but his family. They understand that they are not just marrying the guy; they are marrying him and his family. When they look at the whole picture it has a way of making the boy a little less appealing. We look at the way the parents act towards one another and they understand that this boy will expect them to act like his mom, and he will treat them like his dad treats her. I have never had to MAKE either of my daughters stop liking a boy; God has always GUARDED THEIR HEARTS.
They are both waiting on the one man that God has intended for them, it is not easy, but they both know that I am hear to always listen and help them NOT make the same mistakes that I did. I am blessed because through them I am getting to see how God’s Will in Love and Marriage is suppose to work.
I can’t stress enough the importance of HONESTY and OPENNESS with your children, when they can trust you, they WILL give you their whole heart. My children see me as a real person, they know my sins and have seen my confessions. They have lived through the consequences of my sins and know, as a result of them, life for their dad and I has been hard. This knowledge drives them to seek God’s truths and His Will, they understand all to well the world’s way, and want nothing to do with it.
God is bigger than any mistake we as Moms could have ever made, and He is there to put the pieces back together if we will just let him. Our children don’t have to suffer because of our sins; don’t be controlled by the fear of your children knowing who you really are. Why should they be honest with you if you aren’t willing to give them the same respect? The day is coming that they will see you for who you really are, let that truth come from you and let God give your children the MOM that He desires for them to have. My very soul is praying that you and your daughters are set free from any sins, past or present, that will hinder the work that God is wanting to do in your lives.
My daughter is 11 and has yet to get her first period. However, her best friend got hers just a couple of months ago. I was so glad we had already had many discussions about these things when that happened.
I have taken a gradual approach to this (any pretty much every other) difficult topic. I never lie to my children. So I must find ways to explain the truth in age-appropriate language and with only as many details as their brains can handle at whatever age they are.
I don’t remember exactly where the converation about “The Change” began because it’s been a process. I know she has always been inquisitive and I have never really tried to hide my feminine products. So I suppose as she asked questions, I answered them. Honestly yet appropriately. At age 3, when a tampon was pulled from my purse and questioned, I told her that “Mommy’s have private business that they use those ‘undergarments’ for.” “Undergarments” is a term my mother used because she did not want my sister or I screaming “Hey Mom, do you need any pads/tampons?” through the supermarket. I stressed that she and I can talk about anything, but some things must be talked about in private. And that these items and this special thing for Mommies is one of those private things.
By age 6, when asked why I was bleeding after walking in on me in the restroom, I explained that it is normal and does not hurt. I explained that it is part of a womans body that God made especially for women so that, when they are ready, they can have babies. I went into further detail at this age because she already had such a deep desire to learn about how the human body worked. So, I explained that Mommy’s body has to store special vitamins so that if God gives us another baby, I can help it grow. But the vitamins can’t stay in their forever because, just like food, they sort of expire. So, this is God’s way of helping a woman’s body get rid of the old vitamins and nutrients so that we can make new ones. I explained that this routine takes about a month each time.
By age 9, I purchased a book that we began reading together. I find her still referring to it frequently now on her own. Its called, “The Period Book”. It is written as a guide for tweens and their parents. It is a great resource. It opened doors to conversations about so many aspects of this topic that I probably would not have thought of covering.
Because I have always just given her appropriate and honest answers to her questions, there has never been any awkward moments. She asks questions openly and we discuss this topic as any other topic that requires privacy. Hopefully, the actual transition through this particular part of her life can go as smoothly for us (mainly her) as the preparation has gone!
HI Dannah! Emily was ten. We went on our “first annual girls only overnighter.” I took along a book (cant rmember the name but it was put out by Focus on the Family - “How You are Changing” maybe?) I took along period “supplies” and girly stuff - candles, lotion, munchies, etc. We had two sessions so I wouldn’t overwhelm her. On Friday night, I explained her whole body changing, focusing on the miraculous gift that God gives women to bear children and how that happens. She was enthralled, and I remember her drawing a picture of her uterus and the fallopian tube releasing an egg. Too precious. Then I explained that the “period” happens when the egg isn’t fertilized. I gave her time to process that the rest of the evening. We took in a movie and went swimming. Then, Saturday I got out all the period supplies and did a little practical teaching session, and answered her 50 questions. That was really only the beginning though. We enjoyed lots of spontaneous conversations and questions over the next couple of years. When she did start her period, we did NOT call it the curse, and her dad and I took her to a special dinner to celebrate! I’d have never thought of doing that without the teaching I received through Secret Keeper Girl! Blessings on the book. Leah Coll
My mom sat me down when I was about 8 and just explained everything, then provided a booklet I could read on all topics about a girl growing up, inviting me to ask any questions whenever I wanted. I waited a long time since I never started my period till I was in 8th grade at age 13 3/4 years. My best friend started her period the very day before me, so that was kind of cool!
My own daughter is the youngest with two older brothers but we were always pretty open in the household so she learned some things from life happenings and home observations, also all our our kids read a series of books designed at each age level — the first books we read to them at age 3 or so, then there were books they read themselves through their teen years. (Sorry I don’t remember who wrote them, but they had a Christian perspective.) Also, my husband took our boys on “weekends away” and talked to them and listened to a taped series by Dobson. Unfortunately I never got that sort of weekend thing done with my daughter, but she did listen to the tapes.
One other thing that worked very well. When my daughter was part way through 4th grade we packed a little zip lock bag with an extra pair of undies and two pads — she kept these with her in the bottom of her backpack. And she needed it during the first week of school in 6th grade (she started her period at age 11 1/2) - - in fact I think she still keeps a little bag of emergency supplies in her backpack in a ziplock bag — it just sort of caught on. She is almost 16 years old now.
I corrected my last name spelling here — “er”, not “re”. Can you correct that?
Since my mother never told me what was going on until after I started my period I wanted to make the event seem as natural as possible..by making sure we had talked through what was going to happen well before it occurs….When my daughter turned 10 we went away for a special birthday weekend. We went shopping and had dinner together, went swimming, had ice cream, watched a movie in bed at the hotel together and then in the a.m. had devotions together and I read various scriptures..talked about how God designed our bodies and why and how and in our devotional times covered Romans 12:1,2 Ephesians 5:29-31 and Hebrews 13:4 Talks naturally sprung out of these scriptures…She asked lots of questions and I was by the Lord’s grace able to answer them intellegently. I know that when she does start her period she will be prepared for the changes.
After completing the Secret Keeper Girls study I took my daughter on an overnight to a local hotel. We checked in, went to dinner and then shopping. While shopping we bought several different types of feminine products and took them back to the hotel room. As we talked about all the changes that would be happening with her we opened the products and looked at them. We touched them and dunked them in water to see what would happen. This took all the fear away for her and we laughed and giggled and soon became excited about what was coming. When she did start (age 12) she remembered that night and how to use the products. She knew what to do and what was happening to her body. I was so blessed by her sweet spirit about it and that the experience brought us closer.
My daughter is nine and hasn’t had her period yet, but her doctor (and I) don’t think it’s that far away. I have tried to have an ongoing dialogue with her about the female body and related issues ever since she started asking questions. I’m always looking for “teachable moments.” She has seen my feminine products and we’ve talked about how a woman’s body either has to release an egg or make a baby. Handing out the information little by little seems more natural to me. My mother gave me the “Big Talk” when I was around ten, and it took me some time to process all the information. Luckily, she was willing to answer any questions I had. Sometimes, I even went to her with some of my friends’ questions (or misinformation!) I would love to have the same kind of relationship with my daughter, so aside from how I’m dispensing all the information, I’m keeping my eyes and ears open.
As far as boys go, she’s not super-interested in them yet, just a little curious. I tell her to be sure he loves Jesus. So (she’s reported), she’ll come right out and ask them! I’m sure it throws some of the guys for a loop!
My 11-year-old daughter gets freaked out about most things related to the human anatomy and has not been in a rush to grow up. She has not yet been inquisitive about the changes which will take place in her body in the future or about the specifics of sex. I have been waiting until I thought she was ready to learn the facts and realizing that she needed to hear the truth soon and from me. Over the years we have read the first two books in the Learning About Sex Series by the Concordia Publishing House. I took my daughter over Christmas break to a night at a downtown hotel to spend time together painting nails, ice skating and reading the third book in the series “How You Are Changing.” Even though she was shocked by the things we talked about, she was appreciative to know the truth and know that she wouldn’t have to deal with it for awhile. Our discussion took place in a very relaxed and fun way in which she felt very special and close to her mom. She said it was one of the best times she had ever had! I thanked God for watching over her heart and for giving me the opportunity to give her the gift of the knowledge of God’s plan for her.
Before my daughter started her paeriod, we took a special trip out just the two of us where I told her all about her period and then presented her with a special “Growing up” box. Inside, I put sanitary items she will need. chocolates for those cravings and a special letter to let her know how much I love her.” She started having her periods about 1 1/2 years later and was so excited to use her box.
When my daughter was about to turn 12, I planned a special weekend trip with her to my parents house.I made sure to bring pads, tampons, and the American Girl Body book along with me as I prayed for an opportunity to talk with her that weekend. Not only did we have a fabulous mommy/daughter mini vacation, it also presented a perfectly comfortable environment for us to talk and and share girly things. During the mornings, as we snuggled in bed, we would laugh,talk and pray about the changes that would soon be happening to her body as she became the young lady God was designing her to be. Using the pads and tampons as visual aids, (along with the AG book), I not only told her about them but was able to show her the products and explain how they are used. Bringing these items along gave my daughter a learning visual and allowed her to talk openly about them and ask questions. Six months later she started her period and the transition into this new phase went beautifully.
As she has grown to understand more things, we’ve since talked together about sex as God’s very special design for husbands and wives. To make it very simple and age appropriate, I shared about God’s plan for each husband and wife to be a perfect match for one another…coming together and fitting like a puzzle piece. We reviewed gender differences and how God beautifully made each spouse to “fit” together in love for one another. As she is ready I will continue being open and share more information in depth.
I am so blessed and thankful to know this kind of special openness with my daughter. She is a pricelss, most beautiful gift to me from heaven. I realize that the relationship I am cultivating with her now will have a profound effect on the life she will live in the future. My prayerful, mother heart can give her no greater gift than a consistent walk with Jesus and a relationship full of open communication.
Dawn, from Delaware, Ohio January 17, 2010
My mom was a nurse, so I got all the technical information. I really wish that I had gotten the moral version to go along with it. I firmly believe that all children need constant reminders of what is right & wrong in God’s eyes. Just knowing what is expected of you & having different reasons “why” along the way is a tremendous help. Thanks for all you do, Dannah!
My daughter is currently 14 and in her first year of high school. She and I have always had a very open relationship. She has never seemed to be afraid to ask me about something she has seen or heard. When she asked about my feminine products, I explained why I used them. When she asked why, I explained how God prepares a woman’s body to give life to babies. I just addressed each question as she asked and explained as much as she asked for. She started her period just before she turned 13.
I have a wonderful mother who lives the example of what it means to love others. I didn’t know what a period was until I started mine, just before I turned 12, and I was scared and embarassed. As I grew into my tween/teen years, I do feel she put a little too much faith in me at too young of an age and failed to discuss pressures and temptations I might face. I think she trusted me to make the right decision and oftentimes that decision was made at the moment the temptation came. I feel I would have been better prepared if I had talked about these pressures prior to the situation and made a decison prior to facing the actual situation.
I have tried to prepare my daughter for issues regarding relationships, as well as other situations she might face, since she was small. When she was young, we would often read picture books and talk about them. Some of her favorites were The Princess and the Kiss by Jennie Bishop, God’s Wisdom for Little Girls: Virtues and Fun from Proverbs 31 by Elizabeth George, The Way Home: A Princess Story by Max Lucado, the You Are Special Books by Max Lucado. These allowed us to begin talking about these issues very early in her life. As she grew older, she still enjoyed picture books and we would read them and discuss them more in-depth, oftentimes we included what friends and the world had to say about the issues in these books verses what God’s word teaches. We also talked often about the importance of being a leader and not a follower when it comes to decisions of what is right and wrong. We had this conversation often when she first started school and would see friends get in trouble for doing what someone else did or suggested. During the summer between her 5th & 6th grade year, we went through the Secret Keeper Girl’s Kit. She loved this and made commitments to God regarding her modesty and purity. I am currently reading 5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter by Vickie Courtney which is affording us more conversation time. We plan to go through And The Bride Wore White during this summer. I have not been the perfect mother but I pray for God to cover my mess-ups and make good on my attempts. My daughter still has many decisions ahead of her but we have discussed these issues and she has made decisions and commitments regarding them. I feel the Lord has been placing His word in her heart through these experiences over the years. My prayer now is for her to stand strong in the face of temptation, even when standing alone, and be a leader for Christ and not a follower of the world.
One thing my husband has done for us–there are 3 girls in our house–is when one of us starts her period, he buys us a “froo froo” coffee or other special drink as a way to celebrate. Celebrate you say?! Yes, we have taught our girls that when your body starts another period, it’s a celebration of the coming life. Children are a blessing, and we celebrate!! It also helps us girls to perk up on an otherwise yucky day, and it gives our boys the signal that they might want to start being a tad more understanding and helpful. This has helped both us girls and the boys!
My 2 daughters started their periods around age 11. They grew up on a farm, so talks about sex and the nature of things was commonplace. I wanted my girls to know that having a period was a natural event, and that God has made their bodies to sustain life–what a miracle! We never left the boys out of these conversations (unless they decided to walk out of the room
b/c they needed to understand it too. If you make periods and the birds and the bees mysterious or something to giggle over, you will have robbed the beauty of the gift of sex that God gave us! We have always talked about sex as a beautiful thing that God has meant for us to enjoy–with our mates that is!
I think I was in 6th grade when I started my period; I didn’t know what was happening. I remember it as being a very sad day because my mother got angry at me and made me feel ashamed. She refused to let me go to school and I was devastated because I couldn’t sing with the choir at a special school event.
I didn’t want my daughter to have the same experience; I wanted her to be prepared and to rejoice at how the Lord has made her. I had been apprehensive about how to explain it and had been praying for a long time that the Lord would give me the opportunity to tell her in a very matter-of-fact way.
One day I was doing laundry and called her in because her undergarments weren’t very clean. I told her she needed to be careful with her personal toiletry because the Lord was preparing her for something called a period. I then explained, in about 2 minutes, what happens when a girl starts her period. Her reaction, “That’s disgusting!”
She started her period when she was almost 11 1/2 years old. Again, I was in the laundry room and she came to me, after she had showered, handed me her clothes and exclaimed, “Mommy! I started my period!” She was so excited and I joined in with her excitement.
The best part of her starting her period is that it drew us closer. She wanted my knowledge and to know about my experiences. Now, almost a year later, I would like to celebrate her 1 year anniversary.
Regarding “The Sex Talk,” it was something that she was never curious about, and didn’t really ask about it. When we studied human anatomy (she’s homeschooled) she learned about the sex organs and read several books (for kids).
I’ve been trying to train her to be modest and to protect the “treasures” God has given her, but being innocent of the world’s ways, she was having a difficult time understanding why. She did the SKG “Truth or Bare” Modesty tests and understood a little bit more.
My husband has been encouraging me to have “The Talk” with her before any of her friends told her and she got a skewed view rather than God’s view about sex. I told her one evening when we were lounging on the sofa. She was giggly and nervous and made me giggly and nervous! But we got through “it.” We talked about what the Bible means when it says, “And he lay with his wife.” She wasn’t ready to hear about the more intimate details, and I didn’t want to overwhelm her.
The next part of “The Talk” didn’t go well. Out of frustration and anger I told her what sex was all about when it was done outside of marriage and God’s will. One thing led to another, one question led to another, and before it was over, she heard my story.
I sat by her side and held her. She was shell-shocked, overwhelmed, and crying. I asked her to forgive me for speaking to her as I had and we prayed. And our God, who is so good, redeemed our conversation and is healing us and drawing us closer — she desires my hugs and love more than ever. As for me, more than ever, my heart is more tender toward her; and, I am more careful about checking what I say when I do get frustrated and/or angry.
Clearly, the moral of my story is never to speak out of frustration or anger about such things. But, if we do, our God is faithful to redeem those words, and to heal any breaches that might occur.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share this with other women who long to share with their daughters their knowledge and wisdom, in a timely and godly manner.
Lake Forest, CA
Dannah,
I’ve selected your site for the Happy 101 award!
http://mom2chelnjustin.blogspot.com/2010/01/my-very-1st-award.html
Hope to spread the word about your ministry more!
My daughter has not gotten her period yet, but it seems like we’ve been talking about it forever. Being the observant child that she is, I was never able to buy Tampons or pads with out questions from her. I tend to be very matter of fact about most things - and this was handled the same way. As she got older, my answers became more specific. The best answer I ever gave her was in response to this question…
“Mom, since you are bleeding during your period, does it hurt - like a cut or something?”
“No,” I said “It doesn’t hurt….but it is really a pain.”
Could there be a more honest answer?
My daughter who is 9 began to show signs of puberty in the 2nd grade when she was only 7. We went to the doctor because I knew it was really early and our pediatrician said she had early-onset puberty. She hasn’t had her period yet but has had many of the other signs for a while now - hair in new places and actually needs her little bras. We had our talk about periods quite early because of this and I just talked to her about what to expect and that it is a normal part of life. She has continued to ask questions and I answer everything to the best of my ability. I was holding off on the birds and the bees and one of her friends told her everything! Thank heavens she told me about their “discussion” so I could correct a few things but as soon as I began speaking she said, in a quite astonished tone, “So you mean it it true? Do you do that?” At least I had the opportunity then to let her know about God’s plan for marriage!
Hi Dannah,
My years as a young girl were very different. I was a 9 yr old starting my period. But, not only that my dad was raising me. No one “really” talked to me .I knew the day would come. And it just so happen to come when my dad was home (he was a truck driver so he was often gone) Well I woke up and of course noticed that I had started I did not know how to react so I told him, acting kind of embarrest because you know this is your dad. Anyway, he was so cute. He went to the local 7 elevin and brought back the biggest pad you could possibly wear. Remember, I am only 9. Anyway, he made the best out of it and let me take off from school that day and we went to the movies. My memory of me walking is hilarious because you can imagine how a 9 year old might walk.
Just thought I would share this with you. It is one of those moments that make you laugh.
I am a mother of three children; two daughters ages 11 and 8, and one son age 9 1/2. When I my first baby girl was put into my arms on that joyous day when I first became a mother, the only thing I knew about parenting is that I wanted to raise my children DIFFERENTLY from the way I was raised. When I was young, I asked questions of both my parents that now, in retrospect, I can see were entirely innocent. By their extreme discomfort and lack of follow-up, however, it was made clear to me that I had made a mistake by trying to “really talk” to them, a mistake I never repeated.
When my own babies were born, I began immediately working to learn everything I could about raising them within a healthy parent-child relationship. I knew that from the very beginning, EVERYTHING becomes part of ‘the talks’ about periods, boys, and sex. Going all the way back to potty training and sharing bathtime as toddlers, it’s all cumulative. Our children (boys as well as girls) must be TAUGHT to treat their bodies with respect, to cover them appropriately and care for them, and why. When kids grow up knowing they are a one-of-a-kind masterpiece of our great and mighty Creator God, giving answers for WHY modesty, hygiene, and nutrition are so important become almost non-issues by the tween years, because the foundation is laid. When my oldest daughter was about 9, I gave her ‘The Body Book’ and ‘The Beauty Book’ of the Lily Series by Nancy Rue for her to read on her own. A couple of months after that, we went through them and discussed them together. With my younger daughter, I think I will go through the books with her; different child, different relationship, sometimes requires a different method. ‘The Body Book’ discusses the “period thing” at a perfect level for tweens– it explains everything they need to know, acknowledges that it might sound weird or scary at first, but brings it around to honor God’s wisdom, and our privilege as women, to create us in a way that we are able to conceive and carry our precious babies. About a year ago, I gave my older daughter the 411 on sex– the actual mechanics of it, as I knew she was hearing things at school (which is so sad! but true), and I wanted to make sure she had the CORRECT information directly from me. About 6 months previously we had discussed God’s rules about sex, that it is a wonderful thing but is ONLY for married couples and that when people break that rule, hearts are broken. We have talked almost daily about how God’s way of life and the world’s way of life are different; I cannot shelter them from this world no matter how closely I monitor what movies they watch or who their friends are, but I can equip them with the Truth about the world’s lies. They might get tired of my running commentary as we watch a TV show and I point out everything that is contrary to God’s word, but my job is to give them what they NEED, not what they WANT. Hopefully when my second grader can watch the Weather Channel and comment on a woman’s rather low-cut cami as being “very ‘in’propy-it’”, it’s a sign that we’re on the right track at our house.
Thank you for all the work you are doing in the tween arena. With our society pushing our girls to grow up younger and younger each year, efforts like yours are desperately needed. God bless you!!
Ali
Minneapolis, MN