May 12
How To Talk To Your Daughter About Miley Cyrus
Posted by Dannah Gresh, Creator of Secret Keeper Girl I’m sad that my sixteen-year-old girls had to see Miley Cyrus’ new video—Can’t Be Tamed.
And I wouldn’t show it to girls much younger. Both of my daughters were able to look at it and ascertain that they are officially off the Miley Cyrus fan-wagon, but girls much younger could have a harder time discerning that the pop princess has taken a tumble and soiled her crown. That creates a problem: how does a mom talk to her daughter about Miley’s newest venture? I think I can help with that. Let’s me start today by asking the question: does the video actually do any harm to our daughters? Then, tomorrow I’ll give you some specific ideas of what you can be saying to your little Hannah Montana fans.
Is it harmful?
Research indicates that it harmful in two ways. First, there is clearly a link between early sexual activity and the amount of sexual imagery, music lyrics and boy/girl relationship content that a child sees in their value forming years—typically aged 8-12. The more a child sees during these years, the greater the risk of early sexual activity. I have stacks and stacks of research in my home office from organizations that are trying to figure out why this is. For example, one thing under investigation is the simple possibility that seeing sexual imagery creates a release of hormones in the brain that creates an interest in sexuality. Could it be chemical? Let me be just a little blonde for a moment, and suggest that it could simply be “monkey see…monkey do.” My greatest concern is that our children become desensitized to sexuality and treat it as common and casual, when it is so much more precious (and more powerful) than the media suggests. We can’t, as a culture, expect to continue to introduce our children to sexual imagery at younger and younger ages and not see a detrimental impact on emotional and family health. (And, here’s the rub with Miley. She’s only seventeen herself, and admired by girls as young as six, many of whom will see this video. But even if the girls who she enamours with this video are sixteen like my girls, it’s not behavior you want your daughter to emulate.) As a society, we need to stand together and say, “NO!” I write about this in my upcoming release Six Ways To Keep The Little In your Girl. Let me pull from that:
You don’t have to be a Bible-believing Christian to be concerned about this. From the American Psychological Association to Susan Linn, author of Consuming Kids, those who do not share our conservative Bible-based values are worried. Linn writes, “…I often hear myself beginning conversations about sex in the media and children with the same phrase: ‘I’m not a prude.’ …I feel the need for the disclaimer because, in public dialogue, complaints about the portrayal of sex in the media usually come from political conservatives—often from the religious right. I find that people who come down—as I do—on the side of sexual equality, for instance, and/or a woman’s right to choose, sex education in schools, gay rights, birth control, and the right for school libraries to own The Catcher in the Rye, pride ourselves on being sexually enlightened.” She may be “enlightened,” but she and I are on the same page. Sexy dolls and sexy “role-models” fast-forward the sexualization of girls and we—the far left and the religious right—vote no together. (Now there’s a first!)
The second reason that you should be concerned is that significant research indicates that girls who are exposed to music lyrics, Internet content and picture-perfect beauty icons in their tween years tend to be more likely to struggle with eating disorders, depression and low self-esteem when they are teens. While the impact is not immediate, it comes like a stick of dynamite to blow up everything you’ve attempted to build into your daughter. One day you have a bright little sixth grader, and the next you have a depressed ninth grader with an eating disorder. What they feast on is what they desire to become. But they can’t be the picture perfect, dolled-up Miley. Miley isn’t even that. It’s an illusion. It’s time to turn the TV off when Hannah Montana comes on, moms. I wish I had better news. I’ve been answering your questions about Miley with softballs these past few years hoping she’d self-correct. She hasn’t and we have to do what’s best for our daughters. They will live without another tween idol gone bad, but they might not live well with her! More tomorrow on what exactly you can say to break the news to your little fan.
32 Comments so far
Give us your thoughts
Dannah- Thank you for giving us advice on how to handle these “talks”. Thank you for all you do to encourage us mothers. I am so saddened by Miley’s obvious step in the wrong direction. I hope and pray she can see what she has done and make it right again.
I am so sad to see another star fall! So glad to have recieved your email regarding this, I had no idea! Thank you for all that you do, we are blessed by your books and your ministry!!
Thank you for your biblical, loving, strong stand regarding the Miley Cyrus music video. Please don’t give up. God bless
Wow! How sad. I thank God that my daughter does not follow Miley, but more than that, I pray Miley and those influencing her will come to their senses and turn back to God. That video is downright disgusting!
Thank you for taking a stand even when it is hard and may not be popular. More people need to just do the right thing!
I have been gradually trying to remove Hannah Montanah from my home. I have a 4 year old daughter who loves her. I dislike the way she has started to protray herself, her brand and her music. Her clothes are to revealing for little girls (for whom they are made). I will most likely remove ALL Hannah Montanah from my home. So sad. Why can’t we just let let little girls be little girls?
The thing that makes me sad is that she has on more than one occasion claimed to be a christian. We can not allow our children to throw their faith around like it doesnt mean anything!!! Katie Perry is another on ethat I was shocked to hear she got her start in christian music.Walk the walk dont just talk the talk!!!
Dannah….My heart is breaking for what is happening to Miley Cyrus. I thank you for your open letter to her parents and am praying that God gets a hold of their hearts. We pray for Miley who claimed faith in God to be of number one importance when she first began the Hannah Montana show and we’ve watched her follow in the footsteps of other Disney stars in the downward spiral of living to please her fans instead of living a life of purity for he Savior….when she stated that her role model was Madonna and wanted to be like her I wanted to cry. She has no idea that she is living in darkness as many other Hollywood stars who claim to be “Christians”….Again, thank you for your boldness and using your position as a platform to speak truth into young girls…my daughter attended your session at the True Woman 10 Conference in Chattanooga this past March and loved it. Keep doing what your doing -for the glory of God…
My 16 year old, emily, and I read the comments from another Christian reviewer this morning, and after watching the video, she commented with disbelief, “What is she thinking?” Emily’s not fooled, but as you’ve writen, so many of her friends are! And you were right, Dannah, to exhort her parents regarding this … disastrous… video. They need to take responsbility I’m going to copy your letter and read it to our community group, and encourag them to visit your site for help with their girls. (Why didn’t I think of it sooner!?)
Dannah… Thank you for such a beautifully graciously crafted letter to Tish and Billy Ray Cyrus. “Amen!”
I truly hate to see that this type of change has transpired, but in all honesty I have expected no less. I have worked hard to guard my children against the influence of “Hannah Montana” only because I could foresee the eventual sexualization of Miley. But I have also been frustrated because there has been no escape! I can only teach them how to recognize the seductive ways by which we can be led astray from our God given purposes. Your above suggestions are very valuable in helping me prepare my presentation to my children about the unfortunately mutated metamorphasis of this young lady.
BTW… I was unable to find the video following the link in your email, but I was able to view it via youtube.
Disturbing..very disturbing. And disappointing. But, I have to admit, it comes as no surprise. My daughter is an avid fan of Hannah, Wizards, and iCarly, and we have to be really careful about what they watch and how they carry themselves. My daughter got off of the Miley-wagon after we watched the video of ‘Party in the USA’ together. I asked her what she thought of the video, the sound, and the song. Ofcourse, it’s catchy..most are..but I’m proud to say my daughter knew that the way she was flaunting herself around and carrying herself not to mention what she was wearing was wrong. My daughter refuses to wear what she refers to as ‘booty shorts’, and I’m glad. But where is the line, you know? Where do WE draw the line, and where will our children draw their own? We need to be solid in the knowing that our children and we carry the same mindframe on such things. Bye bye Miley. You won’t be visiting our residence anymore. And that’s MY and and my daughters decision. Not because anyone else told us so.
Dannah - Every time a young, fresh, wholesome Disney star comes along, I ask myself, “Will this be the one?” In other words, will this gal recognize the power and influence she has as a ’star’ yet retain her moral obligation as a role model to young girls everywhere? Sadly, Miley has not and her announcements about her christian faith ring of hipocrasy. It is not enough to say you are a christian; in fact, it is more important to quietly ACT and LIVE as a christian without announcing it to the world!
Dannah,
Thank you so much for taking this stand. While my daughter (13) is not a huge Hannah Montanna fan, she does occasinally watch the show, which I personally am not fond of but have not forbidden. Like you, I have wanted to give the Cyruses some grace and second chances, yet have been increasingly uncomfortable with their choices. Thank you for the constant reminder of the importance of prayer for not only our own daughters but young girls everywhere. Thank you for fighting against our culture.
Dannah,
My heart and soul cry out with you on behalf of our daughters and their friends. Thank you so much for being the ACTION representing the passion I have on the subject of sexualization.
In regard to Miley I have also seen this coming and noticed it more strongly after allowing our daughter to get Miley’s cd. I had to ban her from some of the songs that were about obsessing over boys. You have shed more light for me and encouraged me in taking the next step toward a wise decision in this area! Press on, Dannah!
Hello I”m a 13 year old girl! I didn’t like what that video was saying at all. Idon’t like girls acting that way anywhere I go. And then to know a girl like Miley has so much influence! I know many younger girls who want to be like her. And it would be so sad to tell them she hasn’t been making the BEST choices! I think what you are doing is great! Keep on because we must bring like when there is none!
Dannah,
I thank God for you and for the way you stand for our girls. My prayers are for you and for the Cyrus family. Please continue to keep us informed and we will continue to support you. Thanks, Dannah!
I have 4 children — two boys (9 and 5) and two girls (7 and 2) and I am always keeping an eye on the things that they are watching or reading. I am very sad to see the choices that Miley is making and I too pray for her. We love to watch Hannah Montana and I was bummed to not be able to purchase Miley’s cd b/c of the lyrics in the songs. She is not an example that I want my children to follow and this is upsetting b/c they are not very good ones out there for our kids to look up to. Thank you for the letter you wrote this family and I hope they have a good response toward!
I have two girls (7and 5). My 7year old wanted tickets to the concert for her birthday instead of a party. I was at an awe, so were my girls with the scene of the concert. As we were driving home. I explained to them how Mylie no longer wants to be identified as Hannah because she was getting older. That was the day I said to my girls she is no longer Hannah and is not appropiate to watch Mylie. They were so disappointed with the concert, they agreed thank God. They watch reruns of Hannah Montana,however we have moved on. Thank you Dannah for your open letter. May the Lord open the Cyrus’ eyes. Let’s continue to pray without ceasing for our children.
yes and amen. as a mother and Christian, I wholeheartedly agree.
a thought: could Miley have taken her career to the next step (beyond the youthful Hannah Montana character) and sold records to a older age bracket WITHOUT s*xing up her image? I suspect Miley would argue NO. and I’m inclined to agree with her.
This is my first time on your blog…but ladies, why should we encourage our children, sons or daughters, to watch a show about a teenager dealing with boyfriends and teenage issues? I have never found Hannah Montanna appropriate for my children.
Some of the things Miley quoted in response to her latest video sound like the carefully crafted words of those who stand to greatly profit from the resulting product. Perhaps it was cunningly presented to her by a close associate who knew what words and phrases would influence her and her family the most. Satan is subtle and cunning. Remember, James 1:8 specifically warns against double-mindedness–are we as Christians supposed to be “positive” or godly? In the Old Testament Joshua declared, “Who is on the LORD’s side? It’s either God’s way, or the way of the world, which is deceived by the god of this world, Satan. We are told in Titus 2:11-13 to deny ungodliness and worldly lusts, & that we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in this PRESENT world, not hold out for a more auspicious, or lucrative time when it’s going to cost less. I can’t know what is in their (the Cyrus family’s) hearts, but I hope they consider present circumstances in the light of eternity. When Christ returns He promises to come quickly, saying “My reward is with Me, to give every man according as his work shall be.” (Rev. 22:12) In other words, He’s not coming back for a photo-op, or to bring the world a giant “values clarification” lesson, or hit the talk-show circuit, as man would do with his fame. Friends–let’s be real and face this fact as we make our personal choices in role models, television shows, music and clothing.
Dannah thank you for sharing your heart and this info. on Miley. Prayer is a powerful tool. I love what Peggy said. She spoke the Word of God. When we pray for Cyrus family that is what we need to do-speak the Word of God. Praise God! This is another oppurtunity to build up our prayer life. Which will help another family in deep need.
Actually, High self esteem is the cause of eating disorders and depression, etc.
The girls esteem themselves to the point that they feel that they deserve to be like their “perfect” idols to the point of starving themselves to emulate them. When this perfection is unattainable they throw a pity party by being depressed about not reaching that pedestal. The Scriptures doesn’t say to depress yourself, it says to esteem others as better than yourself.
So often the idols surround themselves with the trappings and terminology of Christianity to win fans over so to profit from them instead of actually pointing to a life that emulates Christ as given to serve Him instead of one’s own desires for personal freedom as Miley has so openly professed as being her goal. I pray for her genuine conversion as well as that of her parents.
Hi, Im 14 years old and can’t believe this is what our culture and generation has come too. This has gone way too far! What does Miley want our generation to be? Girls and Guys in this generation are called to be like Christ. It says so in the Bible he made us in his image. We are called into purity, and to be in a 1 on 1 realationship in intamacy with Christ not with this culture. It’s time for this generation to take a stand in what we believe in. Right now i’m just speaking my heart. Alot of teens my age decided to go with the flow and if other people are doing it it must be okay. Sadly, its not. I’m not exactly saying to ditch Miley all together i wouldn’t support her but pray for her that she will learn what is right and learn what this generation is called to be. We were made for so much more than this. Jesus made us warriors, we were called to love on others. When things are wrong we can rise up with Jesus and take a stand. Let the people around you know that you think this video is wrong and bad. It’s okay! Dare to be different, to take a stand. This past year i’ve realized it doesn’t matter what people will think of you b/c you have planted a seed in them and they will remember you in the long run.You might not see it now it could be 20 years from now that that person finally comes to Jesus. You might be persecuted, yes, but you got Jesus on your side and he’s all you will ever need or want. Does this generation know that just YOU and Jesus can change your schools.Ladies, Jesus wants your hearts not just half of it all of it. You don’t need to give your hearts away to sooo many different guys cause you will never be as satisfied then when Jesus tells you he loves you and wants you to be his daughter. Do you know that just by standing up and saying this movie is wrong can trigger a revival in your school and even a revival in Mileys life? Just do it, step out don’t be afraid, Know who you are in Jesus. That’s what i want to challenge this generation to do. Please feel free to email me for any questions regarding this: morgan.stanisic@verion.net. Dannah i hope you don’t mind me saying this but our generation NEEDS to hear this.
Thank you for opening my eyes as we were not aware of any of this until today as we do not receive regular T.V. or Cable just Sky Angel. My daughter is Homeschooled and we usually do not get caught up in Pop Culture but “thought” Miley was a good example to an extent. We have to limit our boundaries on what we believe from our church families on certain things but this has really opened our eyes and helped in explaining to her about Miley and the friend’s choices that impact our lives in a Biblical sense. Again, thank you and May the Lord bless your ministry.
Did anybody else realize that the lyrics of the song are basically Miley saying “This is what I want to be now and don’t try to change me.” Wow I couldn’t believe that when I saw it.
dannah i`v been to one of your secret keeper grl programs and loved it and i totally agree on the subject
I said it when I read about her at 16 years going off on vacation with her 20+ year old boyfriend that she was not a good role model for girls. Miley is just heading down the road that Lindsay Lohan took ruined at 17 no surprised there I saw it coming.
I found the info. on how to talk to your daughter.
Thank you.
Elaine
I saw your original email and told my daughter she coudln’t watch the video. In the mean time, she had heard that Miley had done in appropriate things that could have gotten her kick off the Disney Channel on the radio. She said the announcer said that wasn’t the way to do things and my daughter agrees. She is ready to give up her Hannah Montanna stuff! She is only 9.
I feel so sorry for our daughters and sons, that all of the media influences in the world today are trying to pull them away from God and what he wants for their lives. I try to explain to my four children, we either follow God’s way or the world’s ways- which consist of thinking all about me and what I want, what feels good and what is in it for me.
Satan loves and controls this world. He wants our children to think everything is okay because they see it on the big screen or hear it on the radio or flip on the tube and it’s right it their laps. So it must be okay, right?
We as parents need to help our kids see through all of this and help them sort out right from wrong and stand up for what God wants. No it’s not easy, but we must remember if we are ashamed of our Father in Heaven, His son, Jesus, will also be ashamed of us when we desire to come into Heaven. He will not recognize us as his follower.
We need to pray for all of the children and help them to see the lies that Satan would love to trap us into believing. Remind your kids, when they see a commercial on tv, they are just trying to sell their product and make money for themselves.
And those making the movies and writing the lyrics to the songs on the radio, most aren’t Christians, so that is what you can expect, words, images, ideas,things that don’t honor God or his values. And we know that this world is ruled by Satan. It is the next world, that belongs to God.
Miley Cyrus is just a child, lost as well in this crazy, anything goes world. It is sad, her parents don’t seem to have been able to guide her along as well as the parents of the Jonas brothers. They may not have been equiped with the knowledge that only comes from studying God’s word. I know I need to continue learning the Bible so I can help my kids make good choices and not just be another follower of everything is todays world.
I know I am far from perfect, we all need to help and pray for eachother including praying for Miley and her family.
I have 4 daughter’s ages 13 down to 7, I’m thankful I never let my daughter’s listen to her…I’m sad when Christian parents ignore this and allow it.. Leads to anorexia, bad sex choices and the list goes on and on.. My slogan is if your not for sale
don’t advertise.. Romans 12:1 Keep standing for truth Dannah