Secret Keeper Girl

Posted by Dannah Gresh, Creator of Secret Keeper GirlI’m about to make history with some radical ideas about how to talk to your daughter. It has a lot to do with a box of Kleenex and not because you’ll be crying, although I imagine there could be some tears over the decisions some moms are making about Miley Cyrus this week. Since I originally wrote the Open Letter to Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus two days ago (which we’ve moved to the top of the blog to make it easier to find), many moms have written in to tell us about their conversations with their daughters. In every case, they had great conversations and made good decisions together. Some of the younger girls decided to throw away their Hannah Montana gear. Some of the older girls watched the video with their mom and had deep conversations about self-worth. The point is this: God gave you this precious girl and he’ll give you the words for your unique family situation. Since some of you have, in the words of one mom who wrote in, “six year olds who are addicted to Miley” and others have teenagers who have “out-grown her,” you each need to approach it differently. But here are some ideas.

• 1.) Watch the video and read the letter with your teenaged daughters. If you’ve been fueling them with the right stuff along the way, they won’t even need the letter to help them think it through. My daughter Lexi, upon seeing the video announced her disappointment. “That’s just stupid!” she said. Look at this as a great opportunity to talk to your daughter about her self-worth. Remind her that playing the tramp doesn’t attract the right kind of interest. Case in point, the advertising community has discovered by way of research that sex does sell, but it doesn’t sell BRAND. For example, if you use sex to sell Kleenex, viewers tend to become more interested in PRODUCT (tissues) but they tend less to remember the BRAND of Kleenex.  In general, when a girl behaves like Miley in public places, she creates interest in PRODUCT (girl) and less memory of BRAND (insert-your-daughters-name-here).
• 2.) Don’t watch the video with your younger daughters, but discuss it. You can say something as simple as this: “Miley decided to make a video that shows too much of her body in ways that I don’t want you to see.” Is that fair? Absolutely! I’m reminded of an old Corrie Ten Boom story. When she was a child, she asked her dad about some weighty subject and he didn’t feel he could give her the details because of her age. He said, “Corrie, you know when we travel on the train?” She said, “Yes.” He said, “When do I give you the ticket?” She said, “Just before we board.” “That’s right,” he answered. “I don’t give it to you earlier because it’s too much responsibility. Some things are better to give you only as you need it, and this is one of them.” I like that. Your 8, 9, 10 year old should not see the video. But she also should probably not be plugged in to the Miley Mania until Miley decides to be a better role model. So, talk to her and trust God to guide you.
• 3.) Be careful with Miley’s heart and name. The goal is not to boycott or vilify her. She is God’s precious creation and, just like us, will make some mistakes along the way. Take this as a teachable moment to point that finger right back at yourselves as mother/daughter. In what areas of your lives are you being careless? Where might there be influences that could cause you to make similar judgement errors? Creating a video like this is really not worse that watching them as a regular course of action. Have you been doing that? Open your own heart and be careful with Miley’s during this tender time, or you may send your daughter the message that if she behaves a certain way she isn’t restorable. She is. And so is Miley.

Let me know how it goes, girls! Please post your ideas here for others. We’re all in this together!